He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
