I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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