i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
