Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
