I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
