arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
