this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
