I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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