I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
