We named our party play list daddy issues
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
