Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
