i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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