You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
