I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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