I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
