my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
