Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
