Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
