All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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