Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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