how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i will never coherently bang her
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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