I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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