I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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