I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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