In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize