hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I would fuck him just for his dog
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
