I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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