they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
