I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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