genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
