Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
