there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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