I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
