He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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