I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
