Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
