mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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