True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
