I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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