Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
