Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
