Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
