I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
