I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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