remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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