Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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