using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
