1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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