I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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