I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
