my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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